Episode 6 - The Great Beast, The Dark Love, and The Shiny Black Box

It's been building up. It's all been leading somewhere... here.
Lenka. The Kindergarteners. The Giraffes. All of it. 
This is the end of our Pilot Mini-Season, setting up everything that is to come.
MAKE SURE you don't miss this one!

Transcript

Digital Dave & Akhia Montevera Music Festival

It is never wise to visit the 9th Circle without an approved poltergeist or at least one in the process of attaining the approval certification... non-approved poltergeists tend to give in to their evil tendencies of wanting possess people and destroy their souls, and that usually isn’t very fun for anyone. Sometimes it can be, but not usually. If you are planning a trip to the 9th circle, and you’re unsure if your poltergeist is certified, swing on down Academy Sports and Outdoors and get yourself an approved poltergeist. Academy. The right stuff. The right price.

Hello Seekers, it is I, your Headmaster.

Captain of the Roly-poly painting team.

Lecturer at the amphitheater of the old dirty bastards.

And designer of screams for people who wish to sound less clichee when terrified.

And I bring to you, The Montavera Chronicle

1- <Humming Montaveran Montavera Queen…> 

The gurus of the water shrine have reported sightings of a gargantuan beast flying in the skies, “it’s large enough to swallow the sun,” they say. Gurus of the Sun clan said, “eh… yeah probably. Who knows. Whatevs, ya know?” 

Locals of Montavera believe that this is the beast that surfaced from the Mines of New Beginnings. To be honest, Seekers, I had no idea anything had emerged from those mines… I mean… the engineers would have told us something… right? … like… whenever they returned from wherever it is they vanished to immediately after the unveiling of the important thing they found in the Dragon Bone excavation a couple of weeks ago. 

But… just for the sake of argument… suppose this flying beast did emerge from that excavation site… it seems to follow that the beast is… I mean it would have to be… a dragon? 

2- Do you ever lose yourself in thought? I mean really get in there, remembering things that happened before, and maybe even fantasizing of how things might happen in the future? If so, you may have been bitten by a rabid rat. There is a rabid rat running around the city making people get lost in thoughts. If you have been bitten, the only known remedy is to bite someone else. You must draw blood, otherwise it doesn’t count! 

This has been a message by the Montavera Center for Public Health. 

3- Last week, Montaverans watched in awe as The beautiful silver haired Lenka made her way to the city square as if looking for something, only to come to a halt when she found - not some thing, but some one - the shrouded merchant of yonder. Upon seeing her, he left his fundraising table and approached the girl. She stared at him as he moved toward her. All the people watching them were consumed with anticipation. It was as if their entire lives had been in preparation for this encounter, and yet no one could explain why. The shrouded merchant of yonder took Lenka by her death skinned hand and together they walked away… they walked south… people tried to follow, but the closer they tried to get to the couple, the farther the couple seemed to get, and the sicker the people began to feel. The new couple walked south, until they left the city and entered the unwelcome wood. 

4- Giraffes are not really there. Elephants are not really there either. You should stop behaving as if you believed they were there. They are not. So stop it. Stop… it…

5- Ever since their return from… you know where… The kindergartners have taken their mysterious shiny black box to each and every spot where they planted coffee beans and placed the box over the planting spot. The head kindergartner, a charming little girl by the name of Theta, who claims to be a direct descendant of the Living Head, has been heard singing to the box while the other kindergartners waved their hands in circular motions. We have a recording of Theta’s singing. Perhaps one of you can make sense of it: <recording>

If any of you understands what she is doing, we’d love to know.

6- Recent studies show that people who see shadowy figures standing at the corner of their bed… pointing at them in a dark and foreboding fashion… are 45%  less likely to hide a murdered body in their shed. Good info for anyone looking to buy a shed. 

7- I have just been told that the gargantuan flying beast has touched ground on the beach, by the pirate ship, after spending hours flying miles above the unwelcome wood, as if looking for something. Fishermen near the beach, who saw the creature touch down, described it as measuring a mile in length, having golden scales that shine like Aura, and eyes so brilliant and full of truth that any fear they felt from a distance was instantly qualmed. They say that the instant the beast’s foot touched the sand, a bright light blinded everyone and when it went away, the beast was gone, but a man was standing in its place. A man who looked like… a warrior. 

8- Here’s a tip for anyone looking to buy a car. Don’t buy the ones with the moving lumps. I want to buy those. Buy something else.

9- The Dragon-Warrior is the talk of town. People seem very confused and unsure about their emotions regarding him. They’ve begun to make signs to wave at him as he passes through their block. I’m told some of the signs say things like “Golden Dragon for Council,” and “Marry me, Dragon-Warrior.” However, not everyone is quite so thrilled. Other signs are not quite so charming. Some read, “Return our Engineers, Dragon Demon.” 

Still, the strange warrior is marching through the streets with a mission… and… this says… he’s… headed this way… to the Shrine!

10- If you bite your nails, watch out. They might bite you back. 

11- The Montavera Music Festival starts in a few days and it’s no secret that the headliner will be the world-famous Akhia… but what you didn’t know is that she we have Akhia here, in the studio!!! 

HM- Thank you for joining us, Akhia! 

A- Thank you for having me!

HM- What will you be playing for us? 

A - I thought I would play a song from back when I was with That One Band.

HM- Oh my! You don’t mean…

A- Yep. Montvera Queen

HM - Oh boy! This is one of my favorites… Seekers, I am delighted to turn the mic over to Akhia, performing her first hit single, “Montavera Queen.” 

I’m the queen of Montavera

I used to be a princess

The one the fellas fell for hard

Love me, hate me, I don’t care a-

Bout you boy, I never ever 

Give a care, I’m just a bit a

Montaveran Montavera Queen

Montaveran Montavera Queen

Go call a guru

For all it’ll do you

They answer to me

I’m the Montaveran Queen

I’m the Montaveran Queen

See the Boys who open doors

They fall before my feet of course

I’m a royal doll, a role, adored

A Queen

I’m the Montaveran…

Montaveran Montavera Queen

Montaveran Montavera Queen

Go call a guru

For all it’ll do you

They answer to me

I’m the Montaveran Queen

I’m the Montaveran Queen

I’m a Queen

I’m pretty and mean

I do what i want

I say what i mean

I run with a posee

I got paparazzi 

All over this bitch

They know my name… I mean…

I’m the Montaveran Queen

Daddy said I really oughta

Pick a boy who’s rich is Aura

Pick a boy? 

I think I’ll pass, Daddy…

I’m the Montaveran Queen

HM- That was amazing. 

A- Thank you. Tell everyone to come see me perform at The Montavera Music Festival.

12- Seekers, I… I’ve been telling you about a Dragon-Warrior who’s been inspiring all sorts of rumors in the city… well… I’m joined by him now… he is standing in front of me… and he looks… lost…. Dragon Warrior, who are you, and why are you in Montavera? 

D- Montavera?

H- Yes, our city. 

D- interesting… One moment I was enjoying a deep meditative state in Thailand. The next, I felt Ao Guang possess me, as he does when a great event is about to take place… and then… I blinked and I was here…

H- so… you were brought here? By this Ao Guang? Who is Ao Guang?

D- He is the Greatest of The Dragon Lords, Master of the Seas.

H- Dragon?! So… the Dragon we’ve seen in our skies… that was Ao Guang?

D- Yes. But, the real question is, why has he brought me here. To Montavera?

H- Why indeed… Friend… I’m sorry… what should we call you?

D- I am known by many names… but… Most people know me as Dave.

H- Dave? Hmmm. A strange name. Well, Dave. You must tell me. Why have you come before me?

D- Ao Guang says you need my help. He says there is a great darkness coming to your world and that I should bestow upon you a gift that may help you save your city… at least for a little while.

H- A great darkness? Dave, I’ll take any gift you have to give, but I must inform you that this city adores great darknesses. In fact, we encourage them. 

D- This is different, Friend. You’ve been visited by someone before me… a stranger from the seas. Yes?

H- Y-y-yes??? You mean… Lenka?

D- I don’t know her name. All I know is that if she’s here, then the darkness is as well. It was the darkness that summoned her. Perhaps Ao Guang brought me here too late. Still, I’ll leave you this gift. 

Seekers…. He is waving his hands over my desk and something is materializing. Something golden and glowing. 

D- this is Ao Guang’s Armor. 

H- Armor? Why on earth would we need armor. If ever a great battle should break out in Montavera, we have our Great Guru to protect us.

D- take the armor, Friend. Take it to your warrior clan.

H- Warrior clan? You mean… The Dynama Clan?

D- whoever your warrior clan is, they must study this armor and then choose a warrior to wear it. That warrior is your only hope. 

H- you sure are strange, Dave. But I’ll take this gift and make sure it falls into the proper hands. It’ll be sent to Broosly Guru in the Dynama Dojo. 

13- There is one more thing, friend. I am told that you have interfimensional portals in This Shrine. Perhaps i can use one of them to return to earth? I have a very special event on May 2nd and must return in time to be there for it. 

14- of course, Dave. Right this way.

Seekers, I’ll return shortly. In the meantime, here is the sound of Montavera’s favorite pastime: bird-watching <recording>

15- The Dark Raven Elders of the Church of the Eversworn Beast have issued a warning to the congregation. I’ve procured a written copy of that warning. It reads as follows:

The child named Theta is a threat to all we consider unholy and must therefore be taken prisoner. The Eversworn beast has been very clear about this: 

“The child must NOT be allowed to speak into the box. The shiny black box must be returned to its rightful place in my heart. Failure to adhere to this command will result in severe consequences.”

Hmmm… well, that wasn’t very nice to hear. I wonder if the kindergartners know about this. I wonder if it’s true that they stole that box. That tiny, shiny black box…. What IS that box?

16- If your beautiful child is planning on trying out for the Montavera Cheerleading Squad, make sure your hideous child is nowhere near. As for your average-looking child, they can watch, but they really shouldn’t draw any attention to themselves. The 12-foot fiends in hovering over the cheerleaders will not take the distraction very kindly and it could result in a less than healthy experience for that child.   

17- This is interesting… it appears that ever since beautiful, silver-haired, death-skinned Lenka and the Shrouded Merchant of Yonder ventured together into the Unwelcome wood, all Insidious Wailing has ceased. Whatever was doing it is no longer doing it. This is good news for those in the woods who live, die, and pretend to live as they die there… However… I’m also being told that… oh… oh no… Seekers, it seems that after emerging from the Unwelcome Wood, ridden with an unknown disease Doctors are simply calling “The Darkness”…. Trozoguru of the 7th Thunder Shrine has passed away… it is unknown what happened to him. Only that this too happened almost exactly as The mysterious couple entered the Unwelcome Wood.

18- The Kindergartner - Theta - has issued a reply to the public statement made by the Church of the Eversworn Beast:

Your beast cannot live and it cannot die without this small black box. And now, all over the city, we have performed the ritual of the netherplane. 

We do not fear you, great beast. We pity you. The thing you have tried to keep in chains has been released… and…. IT COMES!!!

It comes? Why does that sound familiar, Seekers? Am I just imagining things again? Probably so. (Sigh) Don’t mind me.

19- Instead, why don’t I share with you some words of wisdom from Yagoguru, 4th Elder Ipof of the Beast Clan. 

From the earth you came and to the earth you shall return. Every animal. Every plant. Every person. Simple and complex alike. And in the grand scheme of things, you are the highlight of existence as well as a fleeting memory. You are everything and you are nothing. You are creature and you are god. You are thought and you are the empty space from which thoughts arise. 

Bask in your magnificence. You are magic.