Leprechaun Thumbs, dust scrapings from unicorn horns (for that sweet flavor), a little yeast, blood-blossom extract (any source will do but usually people get it from the black market, not the purple market), moon dust, sun dust, pain from a dying looney tunes cartoon,pain from a looney tunes cartoon being born, essence of vanilla, essence of fear, and of course, eggs and dead souls. This is the classic recipe for Dead-Soul Cupcakes, says one of the Dark Raven Elders. If you want to add a twist, throw in some beetle souls.
It is I, Your headmaster
Magic horn waxer of the Unicorns in the Council of Montavera
Long-time enemy of that one duck… the mean one
And student of Goose... Mother Goose.
And I bring to you,
The Montavera Chronicle
- I’ll be providing updates on some recent events that have everyone in the city talking.
It’s quite an impressive feat… that… about the city talking… since most of the time, everyone in the city walks around mute… not a single word… no sounds comes from their lips… they just walk around looking lost, and afraid, and terribly, terribly joyful.
- The Contention in the OGM (the Ocean Guild of Montavera) has gotten out of hand. The tension between the Fishermen and the Sailors is REALLY escalating! Right now, they’re all gathered by the old Pirate Ship on the beach, getting ready for an all-out brawl. Fishermen are holding their fishing rods in the traditional invisible battle position, something not seen in a very long time, primarily because it didn’t used to be invisible and now it is. Sailors are forming a pyramid with their bodies to make their group appear larger in size - a practice that usually works when fighting kraken and the like. This is going to get brutal, Seekers. Place your bets!
- The Dynama dojo has its roots in the earliest settlements of Montavera, but was not made an official Shrine until some 200 years after the first Earth Shrine. Its founder, an extra-terrestrial by the name of Chook Norris, arrived at our planet at night, but when he did, it instantly became day because even the dark is afraid of Chook Norris. As he walked the land, he found a child crying in pain from an incurable stomach disease. Chook punched the child in the stomach and the disease left the child and the child was now healed. Some 80 years later, the once child but now old person died of “natural causes” but everyone knows that these natural causes were Chook’s punc which he timed perfectly to have a delayed effect. When people first met Chook, they were awed by his perfect body and intimidating demeanor. They were even more awed by the way his martial arts generated Aura from the very air in which his body moved. Wishing to learn how to do this, Montaverans begged him to teach them. He agreed that our world needed this and so he started the Dynama Clan.
- Speaking of the Dynama Clan, (Dragon War) - Broosly Guru has opened up the gates of the dojo. The first to enter were the oracles of Tongath. They slithered in like boneless reptiles, whispering cryptic messages into the wooden planks of the building. Then everyone else did the same. I won’t lie. I joined in with them. After all, everyone knows it’s rude not to slither in through the open doors of newly opened businesses. It was nice inside. Plenty of room to stretch, shrink, bend, twist, melt, vaporize, solify, and sublimate. We did plenty of all those things. And then the fun started. Sparring.
- The Beast Clan was founded third, after the Water Clan. What you have to understand about the Beast clan, Seekers, is that it is a bloodline clan, and as such, only accepts applicants who have beasts in their blood. The good news is that any kind of beast will do. Myself, I am 50% Montaveran, 12% Geruvik, and 13% Frilled Lizard, so one of my children wanted to join that clan, they surely could. They’d simply present their Frilled Lizard ID card and presto! They’re in.
The Beast clan was founded by a very smart gorilla. He was born and raised in the Unwelcome wood, but seeing as how he always felt unwelcome in the wood, he eventually left and made his way to the big city. There, he made friends quickly with both people and beasts alike. He began to notice peculiarities in the people that hung out with him the most, as well as with people who spent much time with beasts… a sort of energy about them that was different than those who did not spend time with beasts. Beast-People, as he liked to call them, emanated a strange warmth whenever interacting with their beasts. The energy changed in volume and quality, depending on the interaction between the person and the beast. Of course, this was Aura, and Gorilla Guru soon began to teach beasts how to harness and share this aura with their people.
- THIS JUST IN: Trozoguru has emerged from the Unwelcome Wood… but… I’m being told he’s somehow… different than before… and he is not accompanied by either of the two hunters. He is holding their hunting knives, one in each hand, and his hands are shaking terribly. His legs are shaking as well. And his eyes… the whites of his eyes…they’re dark grey and are oozing a think black mucus… I’m going to see if we can get more information about this, Seekers. Surely, Trozoguru has things to tell us about what terrible things took place in the Unwelcome Wood.I say terrible because… well, you all heard his chicken last week. You heard what it had to say.
- The Kindergarteners, who mysteriously vanished last week after donning their hyperdimensional bandanas, have returned. They claim they “just went for a stroll in the park” (that’s what they say but we all know where they really went). And it seems they’ve brought back with them… a small… shiny… black box.
- The Fauna clan is the youngest of the clans, aside from the silly new Wind Clan. The Fauna Clan was founded some 10 years back, right around the time when the Montavera Girl Scouts’ Annual Ghost Hunt discovered an entire ghost town inside the Stewart, The Elementary Janitor’s Maintenance Closet - it was all over the news. Anyway, Verdy Guru was one of the girl scouts credited with the discovery of this ghost town. During a week of attention from the press, she received many beautiful bouquets of roses and sunflowers and such, and she instantly fell in love with all the colors and smells of the flowers. So much so that she decided to plant a garden of her own. It was when planting these that she discovered certain flowers did a magnificent job of extracting aura from the earth, much like the way her father did (her father was a member of the earth clan, and so she often saw him work the soil in the earth shrine). Only, the plants seemed to be more skilled at harnessing earth aura than her father was, and not only that, but the aura which had been inside of a plant seemed to have a certain joy about it. She went on to harness aura from flowers, and eventually other plants, and grew up to build the first Fauna Shrine and become the founder of the Aura Clan.
- It’s been a week since we’ve seen anyone at the The Excavation Site in the Mines of New Beginnings. (Dragon War) There are shoes with feet in them, bloody and all, and large footprints that do not match any creature we’ve ever studied before, so more likely than not, the whole crew took off for lunch leaving their bloody detached feet at the job site so they could cheat the system and rack up a little overtime. Still, it seems odd that they would just disappear like that, without telling anyone. I know that whenever I disappear and leave behind my bloody feet inside the shoes i was wearing, I always tell someone where I’m going. You kind of have to do that in this city… (whisper) its the Montavera Way.
- The Spectra Clan is none other than the Guru of Yonder himself! But this is a funny story. Unlike all my serious stories, this one is a little weird. The Guru of Yonder is, as he often likes to reminds us, the last living spectral being. His age is unknown. His origin, likewise unknown. His shoes size is VERY well-known, as he is a bit of a clepto when it comes to shoes. In my many audiences with him, I’ve learned a great deal about life, about death, about right and wrong, good and evil, and about alternatives to those things… Different ways of understanding this experience we call life. He calls these his spectral teachings. Says they’re universal truths that seekers always think they understand, but never quite do. “Only a Spectral can understand the fullness and emptiness of such things,” he often says. Usually, after he says something like that, he reminds me I was supposed to leave my new kicks at the door, never to be worn by me again.
Since he is the last of the spectral clan, he is also the only member of it, and yet, as you already know, the Guru of Yonder is nothing if not multiplicitous. You may run into him in the streets and never know it. He is everyone and everything and nothing, all at once. Don’t understand how? “Only a Spectral can understand the fullness and emptiness of such things.”
- The OGM Contention Beach Brawl has ended before it ever had a chance to begin. It seems both sides of the would-be battle have become distracted by something else. Something far more interesting. Some-ONE far more interesting. Lenka. She is walking across the pier, slowly and gracefully, like morning fog over a field. Upon watching her, many of the sailors and fishermen rushed to follow her, but as soon as they were fifteen feet from her, their lips began to quiver, their palms began to shake, and their shoulder hunched. They fell to their knees and began to scratch the gravel with their hands until their nails broke and bled, and with their blood, they began to draw spirals. Around the curved edges of the spirals, they began to write the words “IT COMES.”
- Finally, the Wind Clan… not a lot to say about these unoriginal buffoons. They were once water clan members and now they want to start their own clan. They’re building a Shrine in Mt. Ravinil. The now-vanished Engineers from the Excavation site seem to hate and fear them. And I think they’re just silly. That’s al lI can say about them.
- There are other Mystic Shrines across Yonder, as well as in the lands beyond, but the 10 I’ve reviewed for you are the Montavera Shrines. Just in case the Guru of Yonder were to ask you about the others, here are the ones I am allowed to mention: 9th Circle Clan, The Mind Clan, The Sand Clan, and The Bone Clan. I’m not allowed to say more about these, or discuss other clans of which we know. Suffice it to say that the Guru of Yonder will be pleased if you stay away from those clans.
- Lenka has made her way to the city square, directly in front of the Church of the Eversworn Beast… where she appears to be watching the Shrouded Merchant from a distance. And… yes… he sees her too. They’re just staring at each other…